Now, with Rob’s uninvited presence in my session with Dee, I felt not only unalone, but crowded. “What is he doing here?,” I wondered impatiently. “Rob wants you to know that he received Scott,” said Dee, “that he was one of the two. He knew that you cared about Scott, that he was the love of your life. So he did this for you as a friend. Today, he’s visiting because Scott doesn’t mind. He was here during our last conversation, he’s saying, but held back because he wanted to give Scott center stage. He doesn’t feel that he’s intruding now, if you don’t mind.” Somewhat uptight and not knowing exactly how to respond, I fudged out an “of course not.” I was not being completely honest.
Uncomfortable, thinking back to our strained relations in Rob’s last days, remembering his awful anger and feeling guilty that he had died alone, I asked hesitatingly “Is Rob still angry with me?” Dee answered firmly and quickly. “No. I want you to know that right now, he said. He said he’s lost all that. See, they both wish you well and they pray for you. I think they had a good conversation once Scott got over there, and everything was ironed out. But you must never think that he was angry with you. He was very sick towards the end.” I shuddered to think of him facing his death alone, and the agonizing tortures he must have suffered in the months before. “Very very sick and full of anxiety,” she continued. “But not anger. He said he wouldn’t be there if there was anything to be ironed out here. He wants you to know that.” The profound idea made sense, and something clicked within me.
“He’s saying, my voice was an insulting one when he was here on Earth. Does that make any sense to you?” When I answered yes without hesitation, she continued. “But he asked that you forgive him for anything too. Cause any unkindness that went on is left to the Earth, it doesn’t go with them.” I paused, remembering his hostility in some of our encounters and the shrill attacks he’d launched upon me. “In other words,” Dee went on, “the bond that was there in the beginning is there now. He wants you to know that too. See, they’re separated from you, but not forever. They want you to know that. When you pass over, you’ll all be together again and you’ll be very happy, in a new life, but that’s not going to be for a long time.” She chuckled. “So take your vitamins! That’s Scott interjecting. That’s what he’s saying.” I smiled to myself, thinking of my Jewish mother of the spirit.
“Scott and Rob are both saying that somebody new will be coming into your life, and they’re both very very pleased. Their life with you is finished, the way it was. And they want you to move on.” As she spoke, the words of the first channeled writing came back to mind: Oh my love please stay open to me and above all move on with your life… “They want you to move on,” she repeated. “In other words, they want you to live. And when they’re showing me that, they’re turning a light on and off. See, the light is off now because they’re both gone. And, they’re showing me a light snapping on, which means they want you to live and be happy.” Bemused by the vivid but simple image, I recalled Scott’s message that I want you to live and keep on living because now especially I feel and see through the we. Was it my imagination, or was I hearing reverberations from the other realm?
“See, they do work over there,” Dee continued, “they work with people. See, like attracts like and when people pass over with AIDS, they don’t just immediately go into their new body and transform. They don’t do that. They have to be nursed and brought back…to reality, to themselves. They have to be taught, ‘you’re now over here, and you don’t have sickness anymore. You’re with us now.’ Rob knows what’s on your mind,” she continued, “and he asks forgiveness and seeks to forgive. That’s what this is all about.”
“It’s hard to explain,” she said, “but every time you right a wrong you’re elevated in some way, spiritually. It’s a beautiful concept. You see, what happens over there, is that there’s somebody every minute, every second, passing over from AIDS. There has to be somebody over there to receive them and to pull them into the light. Some of them have a very low self esteem but they’re good people. Whether they’re believers or not, they find themselves in no state except glory. In their deaths, they have become almost like martyrs or something, you understand?”
“A lot of times they’ve had such long hard journeys, and they have to be taught, ‘you’re no longer in pain now and you’re happy.’ When Scott was living, he used to see this. He already had this concept when he passed over, so it was easy for him to grasp. Unlike Rob. Rob had to be shown. Scott leaned toward the light and went right to it. He believed in God,” she said, “but Rob didn’t.” Listening to her words, I could not help but contrast the circumstances of their departure. Scott, surrounded by his life and love, enchanted by the vision before him and gently letting go, and Rob, broken hearted and alone, probably feeling resentful and abandoned, waging a desperate, white-knuckled struggle against the waiting black void. “If Rob had any resentment or anything towards you, Scott helped heal that. That’s all been left behind. See it has no reality; it doesn’t exist any more. Yes, I think they’ve come to a good understanding.”
At the time, with loss my most pressing reality and dreaming only of Scott, Rob’s unexpected presence troubled me. I no longer feel that way. I had not then begun to realize the extent to which we are all connected, living and dead. Although the realm of spirit remains essentially mysterious, I have grown into a deeper understanding that we are all drawn to the people in our lives for a reason, however troubling, baffling, or otherwise inexplicable that proposition might seem, and that we may or may not be left with unfinished business at the time of their deaths. I believe that although it is frequently not ours to now understand, we will one day, and at last know peace. I have just begun to perceive the extent to which we are all interwoven in a vast tapestry of the spirit starting in the very center of each heart and outreaching infinity, with not one of us excluded. There is room enough in my heart for both Scott and Rob, with doubts and unresolved feelings and all, and for that I am grateful to them both.
“See,” she went on, “Scott brought love into it. I think this was bothering him. Yes, it was bothering him because there was something that needed to be forgiven.” Even at that moment, I realized that the depth of my mixed feelings at the invocation of Rob’s name told me that my feelings for him were far from neatly resolved. Were these two men in my life, my dead lovers, reaching me today for the purpose of shining light on that dark and neglected corner? “Scott is telling Rob that you’re more mature now than you were then,” Dee said, “this is what he’s telling him. So see, everything is all made right. Through Scott. It’s all made perfect.”
She paused, then said gently “He must have been…a wonderful person. He had to have been.”
To Chapter 23
Stumble It!